How To Write Children 101

First off, I’d like to clarify two things… One: Twi did not proofread the last post after we finished writing the bulk of it (I’m usually the proofreader, considering she has dyslexia and I own more pairs of business-like glasses than she does.), therefore she did not catch my mistake when I proclaimed to the entire world that she would continue to upload videos on Thursdays.

She will, in fact, be uploading on the weekends now.

Secondly, I apologize for the ‘no post’ week we just had, it appears I had contracted short term memory loss in the time I published the post, and forgot to mention I’d be out of commission somewhere in the Outback of Australia (really a decorated air-conditioned room into which we were able to squeeze over a 100 children for a marvelous week of VBS) for the following week.

But I’m making up for it, promise. I’ll be starting an article series on Bookish Productions (which I’ve been planning for quite a while,) and I’ll be including a form soon (in one of these posts, somewhere), so if there’s any topics in particular you want to hear about, you’ll be able to fill out the form and let me know!

Now for today’s post:

Today we are going to be taking a look into how to perfectly capture the inner workings of a child’s mind, and write a child into your novel without anyone guessing you’re actually a grown up. 

We’ll begin with step one: Become The Child. 

Buy yourself a set of duplos and build a towering city which you shall then rampage and destroy with your evil HotWheel cars (jealous of not having hands or feet), and then march in the stuffed animal artillery to defend the innocent folks of the city, and throw the rebellious cars into an eternal doom with neither hands nor feet. And no, do not clean up after yourself, because you’ve just noticed your favorite picture book in the corner, and you must go read it… Now. (Just zig zag to avoid the duplos. 😉

Step Two: Become The Parent.

Yes, you might have just had a mini heart attack when you walked into the living room and found that a duplo tornado had ransacked the entire floor space and that every available hotwheels car this side of the mississippi was placed in very precarious positions all over furniture and bookcases and even that beloved picture frame of your adorable child… Who by the way is hiding in the corner behind the chair reading a book. 

Does your child know how to read? 

No. 

Will that stop him? 

Of course not. 

Step Three: Become The Unintentional Nanny.

Yes, your best friend just dropped their child off on your doorstep after you offered to look after him in order to give the poor mother a break. Did you expect the child to sob for an entire hour, claiming his mother never leaves him? Well, no, but that’s alright, that’s nothing some fresh cookies can’t fix, right? 

Oh, that’s right, lunch first, you have to feed the child lunch… Where is that child? Soon you find yourself looking high and low, and then end up in the bathroom, raising your eyebrows at your friend’s young son who just unraveled every roll of toilet paper you have in the house. 

Well… At least he’s happy. 

Step Four: Sit Down To Write. 

Actually no, nevermind, there’s a child who’s calling for you, screaming your name at the top of your lungs.. GO, RUN!

Step Five: Sit Down To Write (again). 

All they really needed was to tell you that they found their long lost toy in the basement, where you told them to go look for it months ago when they first lost it, but of course they never found it, and moved on before it became too big a deal, but that’s okay, you can go back to- And there he is again, claiming he’ hungry. Wait for dinner? In your dreams, the child might die before then, yes it’s only thirty minutes, but he’ll make it the longest thirty minutes of your life. 

Step Six: You Missed Your Time To Write. 

That’s okay, maybe read a book instead? You put the child to bed, so he should be fine for- Nope, he’s screaming again. Terrified of the dark, apparently the batteries in the nightlight just died… Good luck finding some new ones. 

Step Seven: Midnight. 

Finally, time to sleep, did you write? No. Did you read? No. Did you accomplish learning what a child is like? Possibly. Ah well. Sweet Dreams. 

(Hint: read a children’s series, you might find yourself wayyyy more down the children’s level after reading something like: Clementine, Beverly Cleary, The Vanderbeekers, or The Willoughbys, or Half Magic, or possibly ALLL of the Boxcar Children books. (or Narnia!) 😉 

((And yes, grown ups can enjoy those too XD))

Here it is! The form for the questions if you haven’t filled it out already! (From last week) Twi and I will be doing a special duo YouTube video answering all of these, and it’s coming soon! So don’t procrastinate if you want your questions answered in the video! (don’t procrastinate while doing anything, really, but easier said than done.)

So, have you ever been to the Outback? Do you enjoy children, or just writing about them, and what was your favorite memory, duplos or hotwheels? (Possibly TinkerBell or the Disney Princesses, OR Narnia! 😉 take your pick!) I wish you the best!

-Louise